Divorce Mediator, How to Choose?

The process of divorce can be very difficult and stressful. When it comes to protecting your family and your own future, there are many considerations for divorce mediation. Carefully choose a compatible divorce mediator with a money back satisfaction guarantee so that you will have one less thing to worry about.

Challenges abound when you  considering  a divorce mediation or  filing for a divorce, we don't need to inform you that this period can be one of the most demanding times of your life. The people are around you try to help usually mean well and are trying to help, but they are not professionals. They might assume many different roles. There are those that are  the sympathizers, those that pass their judgments directly and indirectly, the insensitive (bosses can  fall in that category), the gossipers, the “other side” (which could include your spouse and or their an attorney), and then the family and friends, who can vacillate between being  a great help one day and a nightmare the next. Throughout this  drama, a certified divorce mediator can serve as the professional person who actually centers you and keeps you sane. 

You have decided to give mediation a try and you now want to know how to pick the best mediator for the job. We are not going to give you simple, intuitive tips, such as perform a search on Google, call them, and get recommendations from colleagues and friends. We know that you know all these techniques. What we'll focus on is what to look for in a mediator when you do meet the short-listed, stream-lined candidates.

1. Do they have time for you?

This question sounds straightforward. However, we list it first and foremost because mediators are as busy as everyone else, especially the good mediators. It is not unusual for a mediator to be committed weeks ahead of time. More importantly, all good mediators take on several cases in parallel, thus limiting their availability for a new case significantly. However, like many other business-minded individuals, they often cram more into their schedules that they physically are able to complete. It's not their fault, but it's often difficult to predict how many hours a case will likely need, thus making it difficult to plan workload ahead of time. It is in your best interest to establish a schedule ahead of time and ensure that the mediator is available for you. 

2. Do they have experience specifically with divorce mediation?

Mediation is a vast area, training and experience is what matters most. You want your mediator not to have merely experience with mediation but a degree in mediation. Even within an area, the nature of the mediation process can depend a lot on the specific industry vertical. You want a mediator that has expertise on divorce or family-related cases. Peruse their website, explore their online profiles such as on linkedin, and look at their client lists. These tasks may be more complicated to find than originally thought because part time  mediators might  say that they can successfully complete divorce mediation and have mediated in several in the past. Ensure that the company is reputable. Assess their references. Determine that they have a a degree in mediation. Be certain that they can stand behind and defend their work. Ask if they provide a money back guarantee.

3. Do they know what they are doing?

Assuming you’ve found a divorce mediator that has time for you, we think that your next goal is to ensure that they are experienced practitioners. Certifications or affiliations with Family Mediators Councils, Alternative Law or others are helpful. Are they moonlighting, as part time mediators, part time lawyers, part time counselors or part time... something else?

4. Are they just “sympathizing” with you? Are they using words such as "victory," "defeat," "teaching them a lesson", etc.? We’ve left the best for the last. Many mediators are often attorneys or practice law in parallel as well. Many have the attitude of “winning the war"or the "case just for you." These attitudes are big no-nos. If they are tossing around these buzzwords with you, they are most likely playing the same game with your spouse. Don't fall for this trap. Say no to those that fail to do justice to their primary goal: trying to be a fair mediator. 
5. Mediation in its essence is about fairness to both sides, even if you desire to one-up your spouse. It is also about creating a fair environment where there are multiple complex issues, and you know that best ideas win, and both parties know these truths also. This type of communication results in fair and long-lasting mediated settlements and allow for genuine closure so that you and your spouse can move on with your lives.
6. Mediation ultimately is about communication. Ensure that you speak with the mediator first both on the phone and in person. If they are busy, arrange for a call back. Sometimes the best mediators are the busiest. You must first be able to establish a sound professional relationship in order for divorce mediation to work effectively.  If you and your spouse can communicate effectively with your mediator. you will have established an important foundational element to help you reach a fair and long lasting resolution.